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China Daily 记者的小秘密:新闻报道是如何写成的
发布时间:2016-12-12 来源:  标签: 

人们常说,新闻是历史的初稿(Journalism is the first rough draft of histry). 对这句话新闻记者是又爱又恨。 爱的是,能像太史

董狐秉笔直书,幸莫大焉:恨的是,率尔操觚,写出来的初稿,很可能是次品,废品,因为截稿时间(deadline)在哪里虎视眈眈

容不得你精雕细琢,构思与推敲。

一 截稿时间: 编辑部的节奏

话说中国报(China Daily)的传统,每天傍晚会有一个编前会,决定第二天要文版面的稿件,会议的英文专业名字叫做budget

 meeting.2016年11月27日星期日,,这天是古巴革命领袖卡斯特罗去世消息传来的第二天(卡斯特罗于当地时间11月25日

晚逝世,北京时间比哈瓦那早12小时)。白班主编决定将当天头版的头条用来报道卡斯特罗的"中国情缘",此外编发一组有关

卡斯特罗的报道,包括一篇记者手记。

会后一小时,即下午5:30,刚给头版写完卡斯特罗的“中国情缘”美女编辑开始催“手记”了。有点急,但不能再美女面前表现出来

 然后给了字数:500字以内。才过了不到半小时,传来消息:手记给了300字的空间,缩水200多哎。这是什么样的减肥节

奏啊。教训是:越早交稿,版面越大;越往后,见报空间越小。 

最后交稿时间提前了

二原文与修改

下面逐段进行比较分析。


                                                                         1

原文: i was thrilled when i was given an assignment in November 2004 to cover then Chinese president Hu Jintao's visit

to Cuba. I already regretted to have missed out seeing Ernesto "che" Guevara, the late Argentine revolutionary ,in person.

 How exciting it would be to meet his closest cmorade and the magnetic giant of the 20th century!

修改: I was thrilled in 2004 when i was given an assignment to cover President Hu Jintao's visit to Cuba. I had regretted 

nerver seeing Ernesto "Che‘’Guevara , the late revolutionary ,in person .How exciting it would be , I thought to meet his 

closest comrade and a giant of the 20th century

点评

1) 手记采用第一人称的写法,第一段从57字变为51字

2)then chinese 是冗余的词,因为时间已交代是在这2004年

3)regretted to have missed out seeing 这个不准确,事实是never seeing 

4) 形容词magnetic 去掉了尽量少用主观色彩强列的形容词

                                                                       2

原文:A month before the visit. Castro, who was the 78, had his left knee injured.So i was amazed to see him appear 

on Nov22 at a ceremony in the Revolution Palace where he and Hu winessed the signing of a raft of agreements between

Beijing and Havana

修改:A month before the visit . Fidel Casro. then 78, had injured his left knee, so i was surprised to see him on Nov 22 at 

a ceremony in the palace of the Revolution where he and Hu witnessed the signing of a raft of agreements between Beijing 

and Havana.

点评:

1)注意革命宫的英文表达

2)这句修改很到位 Castro who was then 78 had had his left knee injured 11个单词, 外籍编辑改为9个单词 Fidel Castro

 then78 had injured his left knee.

                                                                        3

原文:I stood a dozen meters from Castro. He wore a dark suit with a red  tie, and sitting on an armchair he rested his left leg on a 

cloth cushion . he was tall and i, with however, a pair of gleaming penetrating eyes.His signature long black beard , as i had seen on TV

had now turned a wispy gray. He would occasionally poe through it with his blue-v meined hand.

修改:I stood just meters from Castro. He wore a dark suit and red tie. and was seated in an armchair , with his leg resting on a cloth 

cushion. He was tall and thin, and had gleaming , penetrating eyes, His signature long , black beard had turned a wispy gray,

点评:

1)a dozen meters 改成了just meters 显得更近

2)注意sit与seat 的用法坐在哪里用be seated in 是正确的地道的用法

3)signature 这个词在Ti mes Times the Economist 等杂志中较为常见,很多中国人不见得会恰当使用

4)He would occasionally poke through it with his blue-veined hand . 这句话也是很好的细节,因版面限制删掉了,很可惜

                                                                          4

原文:When the agreement about China-Cuba cooperation on mineral resources was being read, Castro rasised his index finger slowly

to the notice of this colleagues and when the signing was finished he jerked his finger and then the hall was exploded in ringging applaud,

I noticed too that Castro had managed to move his left leg , but in vain.

修改: As the agreement about China-Cuba cooperation on mineral resources was read out ,Castro slowly raised his index fingerm and when the signing was fint ished he jerked his index finger and the hall erupted iin applause I noticed too that the attempted in vain to move his left leg.

点评:

1)这一段见报前后区别较大。 上面的修改不是最终见报段落。最终见报的这一段,因为版面限制被砍

                                                                             5

原文:The next day, however, when the national anthems of the two countries were being played at the hall, I saw Castro push himself against the armchair, and with the help of a walking stick, he stood up by himself, the first time since the leg injury had made him chair-bound. He delivered a pounding speech at the hall, hailing the brotherly relations between China and Cuba, and said to the extent that China was the hope of the world.

修改: The next day, when the countries' national anthems were played at the hall, I saw Castro push himself against the armchair and, with the help of a walking stick, he stood for the first time since his injury. He went on to deliver a pounding speech, hailing the brotherly relations between China and Cuba.


 点评:

(1)and后面的标点符号的打法,这个是地道英语标点,我们该学习:I saw Castro push himself against the armchair, and with the help of……改为了:I saw Castro push himself against the armchair and, with the help of……

(2)修改版将“受伤”用名词来表达,省了很多单词,而且去掉了armchair-bound——这是显而易见的,前文有交代。这也达到了简洁的目的。


                                                                          6



 原文:I visited Cuba again on September 25. This time I didn’t have a chance of meeting Castro. But at the Hotel Nacional de Cuba, I saw a huge picture of the rugged look of a soldier fighting in Cuba's eastern Sierra Maestra mountains.

修改:I visited Cuba again on Sept 25 this year. This time, I didn't have an opportunity to see Castro. But at the Hotel Nacional de Cuba, I noticed a huge picture of him as a rugged soldier fighting in the eastern Sierra Maestra mountains.

点评:September 25 改为 Sept 25 this year,既是 style 的要求,也更清楚,因为前面提到了一个2004年。

                                                                            7


 原文:I believe this picture would always remain in the memory of many people in Havana and beyond.

修改:This picture will remain forever in the memory for people in Havana and beyond.

点评:注意小词的用法:in the memory of …people VS in the memory for people

接下来就是版面完美呈现了,得感谢版面设计编辑


此文章转载于中国日报网双语新闻



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